Tags: And More!, Tech Fascist Cabal
After being exposed to dozens of Shanley Kane Twitter threads and retweets every day for months, it’s pretty clear that we (not us, the collective we) (so, basically, us, too) are fucked. We may not be in the US, but they got nukes, and we’re in the same continent as Russia, which also has nukes, so all this chaos doesn’t bode well, even with a whole ocean and several archipelagos between us. This doesn’t mean we should just sit around, waiting for the inevitable, though. We may not be able to stop Humankind’s destruction, but we can at least try to salvage its reputation for when the aliens show up and start digging through Earth’s ruins to find out what happened.
Reading Shanley Kane leaves one with an image of nigh insurmountable forces about to reap the benefits of their decades-long plotting. They’re omnipresent, omnipotent, and very close to omniscient. They’re EVERYWHERE, an octopus with tentacles in every pie that can only be understood with the help of several walls-worth of photos and post-its connected by many yards of multi-coloured strings. Their vision is one of savage greed mixed with nihilism, that cloaks itself with the most advantageous ideology to advance their plans. They want to tear apart their own country and several others so that from their gutted corpses a new world order can emerge. Seen from afar, this is a classic Greek tragedy in which the main character is brought down by his own hubris. So, let’s make sure it stays that way, shall we? Naturally, this work will have to take place during the nuclear winter, when society has collapsed and the surviving members of the Tech Fascist Cabal have retreated to their bunkers, where they’re turning on each other while the knowledge that they brought this on themselves slowly eats away at their sanity. These aren’t ideal work conditions, but remember that it’s for the greater good.
Now, while a lot of servers will have been destroyed, it’s not inconceivable that some digital data may have survived, and the aliens will likely have better technology than us (after all, they got here, didn’t they?). The goal here isn’t just to make potentially embarrassing information disappear - but to create a believable and appealing narrative. Some may argue that distorting History is bad, but look at that photo of Elon Musk jumping on stage next to Trump like he’s… er… special. Do you want that to show up on Yuggothean history books with the caption ‘Elon Musk, Earth’s richest man and one of the architects of Humanity’s extinction’? No, you don’t. Sadly, not all of them are like Larry Ellison, and there’s a lot of stuff floating around that should never ever be seen or heard by nonhuman eyes and years. Any and all social media posts by the Tech Fascist Cabal must be destroyed. It appears several of them love to engage in what’s commonly known as ‘shitposting’, but that’s rather unbecoming for a Machiavellian mastermind. Longer form essays are preferable because that’s where they usually try to look clever and like they’re very sure of what they’re doing. Any and all video of Peter Thiel speaking must be located and if not outright deleted, at least distorted and edited in a way that removes all the ‘ums’ and ‘uhs’ and makes him look less like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. Also, it will prevent the aliens from starting a whole philosophy around trying to understand what’s that thing on top of his head. Audio fragments are good, like an ancient manuscript where the missing bits make it look more mysterious. Think of them as the new Dead Sea scrolls. The book The Network State must undergo the same procedure. Better yet, delete all of it and Balaji’s talks about colour-coded tribes and leave just Shanley Kane’s tweets and blog posts about it. It will be easier for the aliens to see it as a threat if they’re not laughing or falling asleep from extreme boredom. All photos of Curtis Yarvin must be purged from everywhere. He will sound more dangerous if no one’s looking for his missing chin. As for Elon Musk, we really don’t see any other way to do this: delete it all. That’s the only option. One look at his dance moves and Humankind’s demise will become the butt of jokes for millennia.
Maybe there’s still hope and Humankind will pull through, but in the increasingly likely case that it doesn’t, the least we can do is try to die with a little dignity. And that doesn’t include having the rest of the universe know we were accidentally taken out by a bunch of awkward nerds with inflated egos and weird hair.
By The Snarky Cats of Ulthar